Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
