with your own penis?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
