She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
