Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
