just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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