Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
