Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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