its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
