I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
