ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
