I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
