drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize