This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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