lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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