i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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