she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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