they need to just BURY HIM!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
