Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
