so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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