y did u give ur computer a hand job?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
