Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
