I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize