This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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