Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
