As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
