NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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