I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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