do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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