Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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