I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
