haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
