my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
