I wish life had little blips of pornography
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
