I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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