Yo dont text me then not text me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
