Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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