I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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