if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
