And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You were trust falling into bushes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
