he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
