I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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