I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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