I'd wear matching sweaters with you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
