She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
