the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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