Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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