Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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