i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
