just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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