cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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