Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
