so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
