So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize