Plan B is the new Plan A
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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