You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
