I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
