please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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