Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
