carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
