Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
