It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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