you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
