oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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