Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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