I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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