Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
