I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize