Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
