They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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