Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
