We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
