My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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