i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
