In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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